Some songs are difficult to revisit.
No Sunrise is a song about a period of my life when addiction and isolation brought me dangerously close to the end. It is written from the perspective of myself making one last attempt to reach who I thought was the only one who ever loved me in my life, hoping that somewhere on the other end of a telephone there might still be a reason to stay if they answered.
The song deals with suicide, heroin addiction, loneliness, and the complicated relationship between wanting everything to end and desperately hoping someone will intervene, but it never does happen for people like me unable to deal with being left with no contacted and the fear of abandonment makes you keep reaching out way past when you should have stopped talking. But this song covers that obsession, of being alone knowing, hoping for a answer any night.
Looking back, what strikes me most isn’t necessarily the darkness of the song. It’s the telephone. The waiting. The possibility that one answered call might have changed everything.
Some things deserve to be documented, even when they’re difficult to hear.
No Sunrise
Written and performed by Matthew P. Haubert.
No Sunrise
Lyrics
VERSE 1
Hey… I know it’s late, but I finally found the strength to take my life away.
Hey… I know it’s late, and I’m not doing okay— you always hate when I call you anyway.
BRIDGE
But this time I really made sure I would die.
I guess I hoped you’d pick up— maybe you’d save my life.
A little hope was all I wanted… now I’m just gasping for air.
VERSE 2
But hey… we both know straight to “ignore” my calls will go.
I’m only writing this song because I’m scared of dying alone— and it’s sad, but you’re the only one I ever think to phone.
CHORUS
Why don’t people take a second from their day?
You never know if it’s a suicide like me you might save.
VERSE 3
But hey… guess what— you didn’t answer your phone.
It’s okay. The heroin’s kicking in, my vision’s slipping thin, and my legs are gone.
So don’t worry, as I lay forever down— you’ll never get another call, never get the chance to ignore me at all.
ENDING CHORUS / OUTRO
So goodbye… I’m not using Narcan this time.
Goodbye… I’m not using Narcan this time.
Goodbye… I’m not using Narcan this time.
Written and performed by Matthew P. Haubert
Ohio, USA
More music, poetry, and visual work:
© Matthew P. Haubert
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