An Epic Poem of Love and Deceit
I. Intro – The Red-Haired Beauty
Who is she, that red-haired beauty I have seen before?
Now in my dive bar, drinking, staring, eyes catching mine across the hall.
I am nervous, blank, head down, endlessly washing glasses,
pretending to be busy, while whispers curl between her friends.
I flee to the cellar, pretending to replace a keg,
but take a couple shots just to loosen the tongue,
the only way I know to speak to a girl so beautiful, so lonely.
If anyone knew my real sides, they would scatter,
so I return, fake smile in place, confidence borrowed from whiskey.
We take a few shots together, my courage unsteady,
rounds of endless liquor flowing,
closing time comes, her friends gone, just her and me.
In one hour, we talk of going home together—
the first time we make love, the start of a ten-year story,
an epic play unfolding in nights, in glances, in stolen moments.
II. Night Queen
Elegant, colorful, a mirage—her walk stylish, strut mesmerizing.
I follow, hypnotized, playing the games of youth,
yet she, a decadent scarlet A, innocent and wild,
leads me into thoughts I cannot resist.
Envy and anger float around us,
we are players of the night’s affairs,
having had everyone but each other before.
Now it is our time.
The first time in years, I fear making love,
yet she guides me like a cunning queen.
Camel smoke, winding back roads,
she spins my head, leads me to her bed.
The Night Queen and I—
we recognize each other’s ploys,
yet the chess match begins,
wild turkey, cigarettes, passion unleashed.
Broken people finding each other,
seeing through facades, sharing hidden pains.
We start a love, a first for both.
The nights energize us; the town lights burn bright,
yet it is a love difficult to show,
for sex is one thing, but opening the soul another.
III. They Said No
Change, they said.
Change to build a life, bend to rules written long ago.
We were afraid, reluctant to open,
to face our old ways,
yet we wanted an escape from lives made of games.
I tried to be a real man,
to support her, to care,
yet lies crept easier than truth.
One lie, then another,
and our relationship twisted into pain.
Chorus:
Lovers, why cannot they speak openly?
Why hide what should be shared?
Instead of lies, causing destruction,
why not let love endure?
We should have changed from the start,
held nothing back,
been honest with hearts open.
But we did not.
Change, the hardest lesson, unlearned.
IV. Pizza Clerk Girl
She worked as a pizza clerk girl, cute even into older age.
Younger customers kept her feeling alive, motivated,
or perhaps she clung to the family of that job
for the father she never had.
Fifteen years loyal, fierce in her routine,
yet she longed for love, feared to let it down.
I, restless, jumped from job to job,
bored, dishonest, afraid of revealing my true self.
Faking life is never easy; try it and see.
I could never hold still, never accept what I had.
Two similar souls, searching for family,
living separate ways,
if only we had spoken,
instead of drinking and numbing pain.
Chorus:
Two in the same, searching for a family,
people to care for in the paint of our lives.
Two in the same, but living separate ways,
if only the lies could be replaced by truth.
Bills piled, arguments erupted,
trust dissolved, love became a façade.
Never once did we lift each other from falls,
never once did we fall back into love.
V. Nights of Being Alone
I stare into the void of the open world outside these windows.
Movement, activity, a mockery of the tremors in my spine.
People so innocent, living busy lives, careless and alive,
while my mind trembles under substances that control me.
All I want is calm in my mind,
to feel normal,
even if normal is dry, unprescribed.
Perhaps I am not made to live in this world,
the person I am today a ruin of my own making.
I just wish for one goddamn day of normalcy.
Chorus:
Just a calm inside my mind,
to hold the love we shared,
to live without chaos controlling me.
Suicidal thoughts, tendencies, memories,
jealousy, desperation,
all begging to be loved and understood.
VI. Old Selves, Looking to the Past
Winter green eyes, my once lover,
do you remember our youth?
Your autumn hair, my blonde looks,
long nights filled with melodies for you.
Does the pain endure,
the years of foolish beauty,
worn bodies full of energy and spirit,
philosophers in the age of sympathetic tidal waves?
Jagged words spill,
grammar a mirage of you holding my hand,
now only imagined, dreamed,
insanity of us contained in memory.
Chorus:
Young days, old ways, drunken maze,
our love’s game repeated, endless.
Blackout nights, months lost to time,
pills scattered, cocaine on menus,
we scorched the earth in attempts to feel alive.
Hiding behind screens, crying together,
then smiling a few days until the next drunken night.
VII. Records
Do you remember our vinyl, worn but treasured?
Leonard Cohen, Elliott Smith, The National,
soundtracks of our sadness, our nights of philosophy.
Ziggy Stardust, warped, unique,
Bowie would have approved.
Mornings half-asleep, Father John Misty sermons,
Songs: Ohia, hazy blends of sadness and joy,
perfect for the start of a day.
Sunset routines, Frightened Rabbit, Modest Mouse,
discussions of life and death,
punk for nostalgic highs,
and Elliott Smith for comedowns
that slowed our hearts and minds.
Bridge:
Our prized record bin,
albums fully played, connections made,
memories of infinite nights, lips never still,
topics endless, ideas spinning.
One more night, under moonlight,
breaking into a falling house,
listening to our collection,
discussing beauty and the mountain climb,
ending with a smile, leaving half the records behind.
VIII. Insanity
They call me insecure, mad, evil, schizophrenic, manic, depressed every day.
Trapped inside, winter crisping my lungs,
hair frozen, throat burning from coffee,
yet beauty persists, snow falling, miraculous.
Spiraling mind, imagination twisting,
love absent, hatred rising, mistrust piling,
darkness made to trap me at home.
She returns, footsteps of shame,
makeup smeared, hair flowing red and amber,
and I close my eyes to dream, trying not to cry.
IX. Fears
Every day begins with daunting tasks,
fears that cannot be named,
cosmic, hidden, twisting the soul.
Thoughts drift outward, lost in space,
meaningless multiplications of nothing.
I long to hold her, to find serenity,
to see the future, eternal love, my January ember.
But nights pass, she is absent,
pain, cut, lie, again and again.
X. Cheat
I cannot see her new walk without ache,
the confidence in her stride, twilight in her eyes,
smile curved, new words foreign,
her body and tone changed for another.
I lie awake, miles away,
knowing another man takes what was once mine.
Yet I bless his acts,
for he restores a smile she could not find with me.
No grudges, no pain,
only the quiet surrender of goodbye.
I love her too much to harm her,
so I release her forever.
Be happy, my true love,
my January ember,
my eternal universe.
Click to expand for Concept Album form for a EP instead of poetry.
Track 1
(Spoken word, slow piano, melancholic tone)
Intro
Who is she?
That red-haired beauty I’ve seen before—
now sitting in my dive bar,
drinking, staring at me from across the hall.
Verse 1
I’m nervous, blank,
pretending to be busy—
pouring endless well drinks,
washing glasses just to keep from looking up.
But she keeps staring me down.
Her friends whisper, laughing softly.
Verse 2
I run away down to the cellar,
pretending to change a keg,
but really taking a few shots—
the only way I know how to talk
to a girl that beautiful,
that lonely.
Bridge
If anyone knew my real self,
they’d run and hide.
So I smile the fake smile,
head back to the bar.
Verse 3
A few shots with her,
confidence loosens.
Rounds of endless booze,
closing time comes.
Her friends are gone—
it’s just me and her.
Outro
In an hour,
we’re talking about going home together.
The first time we made love—
that was the beginning
of a ten-year story,
an epic play.
Track 2 – Night Queen
Intro
Elegant, colorful, like a mirage.
Her walk—so stylish,
her strut mesmerizing,
confident, hypnotic.
Verse 1
I followed close behind,
playing the same games
everyone plays in their youth.
But she was different—
a decadent scarlet letter,
innocent yet dangerous,
leading me into thoughts I couldn’t escape.
Chorus
She made me feel like everything.
The nights would never end—
I wish they never had.
I loved that side of her:
the supermodel, the dream,
sex and sadness hidden behind smoke and blush.
Verse 2
She kept me on my toes.
That night, I knew—
my love game was outplayed.
For the first time,
I had to have her as mine.
Camel smoke, wild roads—
she took me on a tour
to spin my head and lead me to her bed.
Bridge
The Night Queen—
we’d seen each other before,
recognized each other’s ploys.
Two players avoiding the same game,
now caught in the match.
Verse 3
After the first clash—
Wild Turkey, cigarettes,
bodies colliding in the dark—
we knew.
We were broken people
who found each other in the dance
of bar lights and one-night stands.
Chorus 2
We saw through the facades,
our shared pain tucked away.
A love began—
a first for both, it seemed.
The Night Queen and me—
comedowns and chaos,
fucking and fighting,
never truly opening up.
Outro
She was everything—
beautiful, dangerous, free.
And I loved her for it.
Track 3 – They Said No
Intro
Change.
That word everyone throws around like it’s simple.
“Build a real life,” they said.
“Conform, settle down, bend yourself
into the shape of forever.”
Verse 1
Change—
we were both afraid of it,
reluctant to open,
to unlearn the games that made us.
We wanted escape—
from the lives we built on loneliness and chance.
Verse 2
Change—
I tried to be the real man,
to support her in all the right ways.
That’s when the lying started—
easier than truth,
faster than fear.
Verse 3
Change—
I couldn’t hold onto it.
And when I did,
the script flipped.
She was in the same storm as me,
both of us drowning in the same sea.
Pre-Chorus
One lie became two,
and pain grew like mold
beneath the walls of what we called love.
Chorus
Why can’t lovers just talk openly—
get it out,
say it all,
the way it should be?
Instead of lying through the pain
that destroys everything.
Why can’t lovers tell their past,
clear the bullpen,
step to the plate again—
maybe then love would last.
Bridge
We should have changed our ways from the start,
been open, honest,
held nothing back.
But we didn’t, did we?
Outro
Change—
the hardest lesson
we never learned.
Track 4 – The Pizza Clerk Girl
Intro
She worked as a pizza clerk—
cute all the way into her older age.
The younger workers kept her alive,
kept her motivated to stay.
Without them, she might’ve faded away.
Verse 1
Maybe it was the search for family
that made her cling to the owner,
like the father who never stayed.
She made her stand there,
decided that pizza place
was her lifetime plan.
Verse 2
Afraid of change,
afraid of letting her new family down.
She just wanted to be loved,
to belong.
The cutest redhead you’ll ever see—
fifteen years loyal,
fierce to the end.
You’d think her love
would’ve been the same for me.
Verse 3
But me—
I jumped around constantly.
A new job every week,
never staying long.
Boredom always came too fast.
Bridge
My personality was built on lies.
Maybe that’s why I couldn’t stay still—
afraid someone would see
the real me underneath.
Faking life isn’t easy;
try it sometime and you’ll see.
Verse 4
I wanted more, dreamed more,
never grateful for what I had.
Always chasing a better version of myself
I couldn’t catch.
Chorus
Two of the same—
searching for family,
for people who cared
through the painted lives we lived each day.
Two of the same—
but walking different ways.
If only we had talked
instead of drowning
in drinks and drugs each night.
If only those two, so similar,
could’ve faced the truth
instead of hiding
behind the lies.
Outro
Bills piled up,
arguments erupted,
the surface cracked.
The relationship became a show—
trust fading fast.
We never helped each other rise
after the falls,
and we never learned
how to fall back into love.
Track 5 – Nights of Being Alone
Intro
I stare into the void
of the world outside these windows—
so much movement,
so much noise,
almost matching the tremors
that crawl through my spine.
Verse 1
All these people—
innocent, busy,
living their adult lives
like happiness is easy.
Thieves outside the walls of my mind,
stealing every smile I can’t seem to find.
Verse 2
Everyone moves so fiercely,
so effortlessly alive.
Why can’t this be me?
All I want
is a calm inside my mind,
a moment free from the substances
that define me.
Chorus
I just want calm inside my mind.
Begging to feel normal,
even if normal feels dry—
even if it’s not prescribed.
Verse 3
Maybe I’m not made for this world.
I’ve broken myself
into the person I am today.
I just wish,
one goddamn day,
to be normal.
Bridge
Suicidal thoughts,
suicidal tendencies,
memories of begging to be seen.
Jealousy, anger,
the cry for help—
I just wanted us to love
and be okay.
Outro
But the nights kept coming,
and I kept staring
into the same empty glass.
Track 6 – Old Selves, Looking to the Past
Intro
Winter-green eyes—
my once lover,
do you remember our youth?
Your autumn hair,
my blonde ambition?
Just another long night
singing melodies to you.
Verse 1
Do you still feel the ache
of those years we wasted?
Our foolish beauty,
our reckless fire—
philosophers in love,
searching for meaning
in every sunrise.
Verse 2
Again I ramble,
jagged words spilling from my head.
My grammar is a mirage
of you holding my hand.
Now I have to imagine it all—
the insanity of me and you.
Chorus
Young days,
old ways,
drunken maze—
our love’s game.
(x2)
Verse 3
Blackout nights—
entire months lost in time.
Pills on the counter,
coke on the menu.
We scorched the earth
just to feel alive.
Bridge
Living as death,
trying to kill our bodies away.
The future meant nothing;
we lived for the day.
Slowly growing apart
in high speed motion,
memories fading like smoke.
Chorus 2
Was it worth it?
Masking and hiding,
living false lives for nothing?
Hiding our screens,
crying after nights
we couldn’t remember.
Then a few days of smiles
to patch the wounds.
Outro
Until the next night came
to break us again.
Track 7 – Records
Intro
Do you remember our used vinyl collection?
Leonard Cohen, Elliott Smith,
The National—
our sad trio.
Verse 1
Those albums still spin in my head.
We’d analyze every lyric,
philosophize every note,
believing music could save us.
Verse 2
Your Ziggy Stardust record—
warped, imperfect,
creating its own reverb.
Bowie would’ve approved.
It was the perfect sound,
and I’ve never heard it the same since.
Verse 3
Mornings—
me half-asleep on the mattress on the floor,
you playing Father John Misty sermons,
songs of love and scars
turning my depression into something bearable.
Then Songs: Ohia—
God, I miss waking up to your playlist,
that perfect haze of sadness and joy.
Verse 4
Sunset routine—
the cuckoo clock strikes “destroy your life.”
We’d put on Frightened Rabbit,
mix in Modest Mouse,
talk about death
and if there was a point to waking up tomorrow.
Verse 5
“No Control” by Joy Division—
our whiskey anthem.
Medications, anything to numb us,
then a rush of punk nostalgia:
Blink-182, Bad Religion,
Taking Back Sunday, Thursday.
A blend of our teenage ghosts
bringing temporary bliss.
Bridge
And as the comedown hit,
only Elliott Smith could slow our hearts—
bring us back to ground.
Chorus
Oh, I miss that music—
our prized record bin.
You were the only one
who listened to albums all the way through.
Each record a map of our love,
a memory of feeling alive.
Outro
Just one more night—
let’s get high under the moonlight,
break into that falling-down house,
spin our collection,
talk about beauty and pain.
When it ends, I’ll smile,
say goodbye,
and leave my half of the records for you.
Track 8 – Insanity
Intro
They call me insecure,
mad, evil in every way.
Schizophrenic, manic,
depressed every day.
Verse 1
Trapped in the house,
winter pressing against the glass.
The cold burns my lungs—
I can’t catch my breath.
Verse 2
Frosted hair, bitter mornings,
coffee scorching my throat.
But then—
through dusted eyes—
I see beauty:
the snow,
the quiet miracle of falling things.
Bridge
For a moment, I feel peace—
until my mind spirals again.
She’s still not home from the night before.
Hatred grows,
mistrust piles up
like snow outside the door.
Verse 3
The winter fantasy turns ugly.
What once was beautiful
becomes a mirror
of our decay.
Verse 4
Then footsteps—
the walk of shame
through snowy banks.
Makeup smeared,
eyes low.
I close mine,
and dream instead—
her hair in the sky,
red and gold,
sunset through tears.
Outro
When I open them again,
she’s home—
and I pretend not to cry.
Track 9 – Fears
Intro
Every day begins
a daunting task—
fighting fears I can’t even name.
Not spiders, not death—
deeper things.
Verse 1
Each morning a migraine,
a trembling start,
a new bottom I hadn’t reached before.
Every good feeling devoured,
every second poisoned
by thought.
Verse 2
It feels like being stabbed
by invisible hands.
The pain never ends,
until I collapse.
Bridge
My thoughts drift out—
beyond my body,
into the streets,
into space.
Is this a game from the gods?
Or am I cursed
like a Poe poem,
to live out my madness forever?
Verse 3
Meaningless multiplication of thoughts—
nothing birthing nothing.
Killing my soul
until I am nothing.
Chorus
I want it to stop.
All I want
is to hold her another day,
to have meaning,
to feel whole.
My sweet January ember,
my love, my universe,
my etude.
Outro
But another night passes,
and she’s still not here.
Another pain,
another cut,
another lie.
Track 10 – Cheat
Intro
I see it in your walk—
the new confidence,
the twilight in your eyes.
The smirk at the corner of your mouth.
Verse 1
The way you move now—
your words foreign,
your clothes in harmony
with curves I used to know.
Even when you say “I love you,”
the tone has changed—
too bright, too easy.
Verse 2
And as I lie awake,
miles away,
you lie in another bed—
sweat, skin,
not mine or yours,
but his.
Another man’s nocturnal prayer,
while I dream of you.
Bridge
I know you love me,
in your own way.
But I can’t ignore the ache—
the sound of your happiness
when it’s not with me.
Verse 3
When the truth comes to light,
I’ll thank him—
for giving you back your smile.
For covering you
in the warmth I couldn’t give.
Chorus
Maybe I’ll thank him
before I leave for good.
My only choice—
to let you go,
to free the both of us
from this slow death.
Outro
No grudges, no hate—
just the quiet bleeding of goodbye.
I love you too much to hurt you.
So go, my love.
Be happy.
Forever.
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