Amphetamine clouds covering the room,
no lights, just ruminating the past,
I lost my lover, my love for life, my complexion in my skin

Stuck sitting in an apartment alone.
No furniture.
No heat.
Just drywall, silence, and the buzzing in my teeth.

There’s a glass mirror on the floor
reflecting a face I dont recognize,
and a little white line beside it
like a prayer I keep saying
even though I know the god is gone.

Days blur like chalk in rain—
I forget which meals I missed,
which conversations I talked through,
which nights I didn’t sleep
because I couldn’t bear to lose the momentum.

There is a hunger that is not hunger,
a joy that is not joy,
a light that burns straight through the skin.

Sometimes I remember silence—
slow breaths, warm rooms,
a world that wasn’t vibrating.

Oh, the amphetamine nights make my life—
Amphetamines make me feel alright,
make me forget my fucked up life,
before the comedown claws the inside of my skull
and my neck hangs from the clouds in the ceiling..

Oh but amphetamine dreams make me have meaning to my life,
Chasing the one high
when my hands still felt like they were part of me.
Now they just shake,
and the shaking tells the truth:
My body remembers the damage
even when my mind refuses.

This room smells like dust and old regret.
I haven’t did the plans I made, now its 2 days late
Time is a broken clock
that only points to Now Now Now Now Now
until I forget what a future is.

There’s no music here.
No friends.
No grand revelation.
Just me, the mirror,
the line,
and the gnawing need for “just a little more.”

Amphetamine world.
Bright hell.
Hollow salvation.
The kind of light that doesn’t warm anything
it only burns.

I know I should leave.
I know I should stop.
I know.
But knowing and doing
are not the same thing
when the world is made of her beautiful crystal white lines.

I don’t need hope right now.
I just need speed

And this is it. Another line, to punish myself

Give myself lashings for each regret.