The voice of reason crashes through my body,
My self image  treason, never knowing what to believe.

Black and white thinking, so many walls, my eyes, my path is faulted.
No one will help me when I fail,  my problems never delt with at all.

WIll god or whoever runs this realm of world forgive me?
Will the people I hurt deceived in my life forgive me?
Will my father see my as accomplished finally, forgive me?
Will the loves of my life, my jeopordizing of days come down to a normal pattern, break the habits.

The shade of room, always deceived, by everyones eyes,
look at under a shy of multitude of lies,
So now always alone at home in my bed, flat on the floor, mindnumbing cold, screams of my asylum, are the only company I now ever have.
Constantly crying, yelling, torcherous tones, between my eyes,
Frightening pulsating ghost haunting my shadows,
Can't escape, I will never escape who I am.

Somehow glimmers of hope come and go, flashing fades of fame, all the same..
The world closes fast, the wisp of painful memories surround my head.
Haunting emptyness of self hating loathing lives of myself,
all failing, full of my endless undying peril.

Still scared of whats to come, even though its been so long.  So many times Ive missed, there shouldnt be anymore fears, Ive been through every thing there is to ever endear.

Still asking will I be forgiven?  Looming about everyones thoughts on me.

Until suddenly my hands shake uncontrollablly, becoming more and more riget each day.
These thoughts and voices continue to consume my body, my niverse of mind.
Look away, the ignorances of my cries for help, fiercely drown away.

So stuck again, always I lay, fantasizing about what I should torture myself with today. Prove myself to who

I cant achieve anything I want with what I have done,
I despise my mind, my pathetic fucking life.
Hypocrytical songs and poems of lies,
The fake smiles I wear outside.
I despise you life.
I cant be what I want.
Make myself be what I always dreamed.

So maybe tonight I will finally succeed in taking my life, ending it completely.